Dave Carpenter

Humor, travel, beer, and other literary goodies

  • Home
  • Author
  • Books
  • Blog
  • Contact

Dear H&M,

2013-Apr-29 By Dave Carpenter

I represent a quiet minority that your store refuses to recognize and continues to marginalize. I have visited your downtown Denver location several times since its grand opening, and each time, I have left in disappointment and shame. It is time that our voices are heard.

I speak, of course, of the hidden, huddled masses who suffer from what are known as quadriceps and hamstrings, or, more commonly, “thighs.” These muscular miracles flex the knee and play a major role in such subversive activities as walking around, going up the stairs, coming back down the stairs, and crouching down to have a closer look. You may have even seen some of us engaged in these very acts as we browse your stores empty-handed.

Whether intentional or not, your designers have overlooked us, as your jeans would appear to have instead been manufactured for those whose lower body musculatures have fully adapted to the load-bearing requirements of low-earth orbit. It is further embarrassing to see such styles as slim and skinny displayed prominently–are we less valuable to you than even coke addicts?

Please consider devoting a line of styles to those of us whose lower limbs have a third dimension. Because we want hipster jeans, too. And we can actually get ourselves to your stores to buy them, thanks to thighs.

Share this:

  • Share
  • Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window)

Filed Under: Featured, Observations

Merch

Damn Good Books

Lager: The Definitive Guide to Tasting and Brewing the World’s Most Popular Beer Styles

Amazon author page

Meet the Author

I’m a writer, editor, homebrewer, traveler, and armchair philosopher.

I live in Fort Collins, Colorado, with my wife, two cats, a freezer full of green chiles, and a small armada of fermentation vessels.

Recent

  • Cardinal sin
  • A day in the life
  • Guys and squalls
  • Moth brawls
  • System overload

Search

Copyright © 2025 · Quaffable Quips LLC and Dave Carpenter

loading Cancel
Post was not sent - check your email addresses!
Email check failed, please try again
Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email.